What a Star player, Hoopy thrashes the London Marathon in a record time of 4 hours and 58 minutes! Look I know it's hard but if you just stretch across to the coffee table, careful now mind you don't strain your back, and gently ease out Hoopy's sponsorship form from last months Low Flying, that's it, just a bit further, got it! Now with the other arm gently ease your chequebook and a pen out of your jacket pocket. It's on the back of the chair behind you, got it? Good, OK you can rest now for a minute or two and get your breath back, we all realise this is serious stuff and mustn't be rushed in any way.

Right, rested? Now smooth out the sponsor form and rest it on the coffee table in front of you - no not in the beer and coffee puddles! That's it; just slowly rub your jumper sleeve across them to dry them out so the form doesn't stick to the table. Ok with that? Now take the lid off the pen and just make sure it still works - yes that old pizza box next to you on the sofa will do fine. Now if you gently wave your arm about under the coffee table you'll probably find a recent utility bill, electric or phone bills are good for this, that'll have you name and address on it, complete with your postcode. Makes life so much easier than having to remember all that guff don't it? Ok take the pen and copy your name and address details on Hoopy's form and if you look along to the right of the form you will see we need a nice big tick in one of the boxes and the amount of money you want to sponsor Hoopy for all his efforts running the London Marathon in another box. Yes, a nice colourful crayon would make a nice big tick wouldn't it, really impressive and large. OK, done that? Don't forget to put the crayon back in your pencil case ready for work tomorrow. 

Yes, well, you could put a £1 in the amount box but it's hardly worth writing the cheque for that really is it, what with bank charges and the cost of an envelope and stamp, so it's probably more cost effective for you to make the amount at least a fiver. If you are putting yourself to all this trouble the least you can do for yourself is make it really worthwhile don't you think? You know you're worth it. 

Now is a good time to stop for a minute or two and make sure the beer hasn't gone flat or the coffee cold and also gently pat yourself on the back for being so well large in the sponsor stakes. You really are special aren’t you? Yeh, right on, I'm with you, respect big time!

That's really the hard bit over, the cheque bit is easy as I know you've had lots of experience with those funny bits of paper, but make sure the amount on the cheque is exactly the same as you wrote on Hoopy's form, as he's going to have to open all the envelopes and cross check the details before he can send it to me. This is the part that will show Hoopy just how worthwhile all his pain and suffering really was for NtL, so you need to get it right first time. What you have to remember is that the marathon he ran was the last bit of training he could do to prepare himself for opening all those envelopes as it's really, really hard on the fingertips!

The next to last part is the easiest, all you need to do is copy Hoopy's name and address on the front of a large envelope and slip the form and cheque inside. NO! Don't seal it yet or stick a stamp on, as you don't know how heavy the envelope is likely to be till you've finished the best part of all. You might have noticed that on the form there are spaces for more names and addresses? Yeh, cool, that's right, those are for your friends, family and work colleagues to fill in and write out a cheque to Leukaemia Research Fund, and if you started the form off with a respectable amount worthy of your time and effort, no one else after you will put less will they? They won't want to be put down will they? No, so this is your chance to shine and it won't cost you a penny! Wicked eh?

All that remains is to get the bulging envelope weighed, stick on a stamp and pop it in the post box, knowing that Hoopy will be camping out on his front door mat waiting for it. 

Phew, that was exhausting wasn't it? But you can rest now and smile smugly to yourself. Whoops, don't panic! The TV widgets just slipped down the side of the sofa cushion!

Please include your address when you send me money, pretty please! 

We seek Foreign Coins & Notes, also
old 5p, 10p & 50p GB coins to
Help Fund the Cure for Leukaemia

Are you one of the 44% of people whom we are told have foreign coins & notes – including those from countries which have gone over to the Euro and pre-decimal GB coins? If so please send them to us – we can convert them into cash to buy medical equipment & further our research programmes